Post by Chase Owens on Jun 3, 2013 20:24:37 GMT -5
"Everywhere I've been this week, people have been asking me what it's like to be the face of CPW. Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure what it means. I didn't get a special lockerroom or a parking spot, so I'm guessing it's kind of like being the Queen of England. Except you know... nobody has had a parade for me yet or anything.
Although next week is 'Chase Owens Day' in Deliverence, Alabama.
...Assuming that's a real place.
So what does it mean to be the 'Face of CPW'? It means I have to work harder than everyone else to stay where I am. I have to be on the top of my game at all times in order to properly represent this company. It's actually pretty tiring.
I did four podcasts just today.
And now I'm expected to wrestle a bear and some guy named Hexx in the same week? A normal man would wither under that pressure... so I'm hoping I can pull it off. I've never wrestled a bear, nor a... voodoo doctor? a clown?... either of those things before. I mean, I wrestled a little person once, but that was mostly because he refused to leggo of my Eggo. But a Hexx? I don't even know what that is.
Basically what I'm saying here is that I may be in over my head. People tell me that Hexx is a pretty scary guy, and I tend to believe it. He certainly looks pretty intimidating with his facepaint and top hat... Honestly he looks like the kind of guy I wouldn't want to wrestle under normal circumstances.
But as the 'Face of CPW', I'm honored to take the challenge.
Because unlike Bill Gates, the Wendy's Girl, and other faces of companies, I don't sit around on a golden throne and refuse to get my hands dirty. I'm going to get in that ring on Wednesday Night and I'm going to give Hexx everything I have in my tank. I'm going to push it to the limit, and then I'm going to push it a little more. Now that I'm 'the guy' around here, I have a reputation to uphold... a reputation that started when Mr. Reagan put all of his faith behind me.
...So since last week. I've had this reputation since last week.
And it doesn't end when the show ends on Wednesday. Come Thursday morning, I'm going to be doing local radio interviews, used car commercials, and posing for pictures with anyone that asked. Because as the face of this company, it's up to me to make this place as well-known as possible. I'm the ambassador to the masses, and it's on my shoulders if even one household doesn't tune into CPW TV.
So Hexx.... Kevin the Wrestling Bear.... I'll wrestle both of you. Heck, I'd wrestle you both at the same time if need be. I'll wrestle you anywhere in the world, as long as it's for the benefit of CPW. I may not like what I have to do, but damn it, I'm going to do it with a smile on my face.... even if it is just to mask the crippling fear of being mauled by a bear.
Because that bear may be able to take my arms, my legs, and maybe even my torso, but he can't take my 'Face' away.
...Okay maybe he can, but that's besides the point. I'm talking figuratively, not literally.
And you, Hexx; you can't do any of that. When you stand across from me in a few nights, you're going to be looking into the eyes of a man who will do whatever it takes to come out on top. You can take me to hell and back, but you'd best believe that I'm going to be the one crawling out of the ground when it's all said and done. There's nothing you can do to keep Chase Owens down for good, Hexx. What's that old saying: 'You can't keep a good 'Face' down?'
What? Nobody has said that, ever?
Well then I'll be the first to say it. This Wednesday night, I'm going to reward the faith that Mr. Reagan has put in me, by beating Hexx and coming out on top in my highly-publicized debut. So set your VCRs and bring your Poloroids, because Chase Owens is about to put on a show.
Again, that's Chase Owens. Not Cheese Bowen."
{Immediately after completing this speech, the camera pulls out to reveal Chase Owens, wearing a Cheese Bowen t-shirt, standing in a beaten down wrestling ring. Across from him we see a large black bear, who is being kept at bay by a trainer with a whip and a wooden stool.}
Chase Owens: "I thought that stuff was for liontamers, not bears."
Bear Trainer: "Eh. I think it works for bears too."
Chase Owens: "YOU THINK?!"
Bear Trainer: "Yeah. Geez. It's my first day. Lay off me."
{Chase's mouth shoots open wide in shock.}
Chase Owens: "They sent you here by yourself on your first day!?!?!?"
Bear Trainer: "Seriously dude. Relax, or I'm out of here."
Chase Owens: "Well I'd rather you didn't leave me alone with a black bear... so...."
Bear Trainer: "Exactly. As long as you don't scream too loudly or wear anything with orange on it, you should be good."
Chase Owens: "Yeah... that doesn't soothe my rapidly beating heart at all."
{Chase stares across the ring at a bear and tries to psych himself up. He jumps up and down and slaps himself in the face a few times.}
Chase Owens: "LET'S DO THIS!"
Bear Trainer: "I just told you not to yell!"
{Kevin the Wrestling Bear raises up on it's back legs and let's out a roar. Chase backs up into the corner and cowers.}
Chase Owens: "You said not to scream! Not yell!"
Bear Trainer: "It's the same thing!"
{The bear roars some more, baring his teeth, before walking over towards Owens. The young man tries to escape the ring, but the large black bear has him trapped. The bear trainer sees this, and fearing for his life, leaps out of the ring and runs away.}
Chase Owens: "What do I do? What do I do?!? Think, Cheese... Chase!"
{Thoughts race through Chase's head as he tries to come up with a gameplan. After a moment, a brilliant idea strikes him.}
Chase Owens: "Bearhug!"
{Chase reaches both of his arms as far around the bear as he can, trying to lock him in the Bearhug submission hold. The bear begins to step back with Chase still barely holding him, and suddenly falls to his back. Chase releases the bear and stands up, looking excited for a moment.}
Chase Owens: "Holy crap. I just beat a bear!"
{The excitement quickly turns to panic as the bear lays motionless on the mat.}
Chase Owens: "Oh my god. He's dead."
{Owens looks around while nearly having a panic attack. Unsure of what to do, he thinks about the reprecussions if PETA finds out about this. Suddenly, without warning, a bear paw comes up and swipes Chase's legs out from under him. Chase hits the mat and the bear crawls on top of him, pinning him to the mat. Kevin the Wrestling Bear lays on top of Owens, keeping him trapped on the mat as the bear trainer comes back into frame, holding a meatball sub. He grabs his wooden stool and tosses it into the ring.}
Bear Trainer: "Use this to get him off of you."
{The stool hits the mat and gingerly rolls further and further away from Owens. As he's trapped to the mat, an annoyed look crosses his face.}
Chase Owens: ".... and now I just remembered... the bear was supposed to be my manager."
{As we zoom out further away from the scene, Chase struggles to break free, but he can't budge the massive wrestling bear.}
Chase Owens: "This was a terrible idea."
{Fade out.}
Although next week is 'Chase Owens Day' in Deliverence, Alabama.
...Assuming that's a real place.
So what does it mean to be the 'Face of CPW'? It means I have to work harder than everyone else to stay where I am. I have to be on the top of my game at all times in order to properly represent this company. It's actually pretty tiring.
I did four podcasts just today.
And now I'm expected to wrestle a bear and some guy named Hexx in the same week? A normal man would wither under that pressure... so I'm hoping I can pull it off. I've never wrestled a bear, nor a... voodoo doctor? a clown?... either of those things before. I mean, I wrestled a little person once, but that was mostly because he refused to leggo of my Eggo. But a Hexx? I don't even know what that is.
Basically what I'm saying here is that I may be in over my head. People tell me that Hexx is a pretty scary guy, and I tend to believe it. He certainly looks pretty intimidating with his facepaint and top hat... Honestly he looks like the kind of guy I wouldn't want to wrestle under normal circumstances.
But as the 'Face of CPW', I'm honored to take the challenge.
Because unlike Bill Gates, the Wendy's Girl, and other faces of companies, I don't sit around on a golden throne and refuse to get my hands dirty. I'm going to get in that ring on Wednesday Night and I'm going to give Hexx everything I have in my tank. I'm going to push it to the limit, and then I'm going to push it a little more. Now that I'm 'the guy' around here, I have a reputation to uphold... a reputation that started when Mr. Reagan put all of his faith behind me.
...So since last week. I've had this reputation since last week.
And it doesn't end when the show ends on Wednesday. Come Thursday morning, I'm going to be doing local radio interviews, used car commercials, and posing for pictures with anyone that asked. Because as the face of this company, it's up to me to make this place as well-known as possible. I'm the ambassador to the masses, and it's on my shoulders if even one household doesn't tune into CPW TV.
So Hexx.... Kevin the Wrestling Bear.... I'll wrestle both of you. Heck, I'd wrestle you both at the same time if need be. I'll wrestle you anywhere in the world, as long as it's for the benefit of CPW. I may not like what I have to do, but damn it, I'm going to do it with a smile on my face.... even if it is just to mask the crippling fear of being mauled by a bear.
Because that bear may be able to take my arms, my legs, and maybe even my torso, but he can't take my 'Face' away.
...Okay maybe he can, but that's besides the point. I'm talking figuratively, not literally.
And you, Hexx; you can't do any of that. When you stand across from me in a few nights, you're going to be looking into the eyes of a man who will do whatever it takes to come out on top. You can take me to hell and back, but you'd best believe that I'm going to be the one crawling out of the ground when it's all said and done. There's nothing you can do to keep Chase Owens down for good, Hexx. What's that old saying: 'You can't keep a good 'Face' down?'
What? Nobody has said that, ever?
Well then I'll be the first to say it. This Wednesday night, I'm going to reward the faith that Mr. Reagan has put in me, by beating Hexx and coming out on top in my highly-publicized debut. So set your VCRs and bring your Poloroids, because Chase Owens is about to put on a show.
Again, that's Chase Owens. Not Cheese Bowen."
{Immediately after completing this speech, the camera pulls out to reveal Chase Owens, wearing a Cheese Bowen t-shirt, standing in a beaten down wrestling ring. Across from him we see a large black bear, who is being kept at bay by a trainer with a whip and a wooden stool.}
Chase Owens: "I thought that stuff was for liontamers, not bears."
Bear Trainer: "Eh. I think it works for bears too."
Chase Owens: "YOU THINK?!"
Bear Trainer: "Yeah. Geez. It's my first day. Lay off me."
{Chase's mouth shoots open wide in shock.}
Chase Owens: "They sent you here by yourself on your first day!?!?!?"
Bear Trainer: "Seriously dude. Relax, or I'm out of here."
Chase Owens: "Well I'd rather you didn't leave me alone with a black bear... so...."
Bear Trainer: "Exactly. As long as you don't scream too loudly or wear anything with orange on it, you should be good."
Chase Owens: "Yeah... that doesn't soothe my rapidly beating heart at all."
{Chase stares across the ring at a bear and tries to psych himself up. He jumps up and down and slaps himself in the face a few times.}
Chase Owens: "LET'S DO THIS!"
Bear Trainer: "I just told you not to yell!"
{Kevin the Wrestling Bear raises up on it's back legs and let's out a roar. Chase backs up into the corner and cowers.}
Chase Owens: "You said not to scream! Not yell!"
Bear Trainer: "It's the same thing!"
{The bear roars some more, baring his teeth, before walking over towards Owens. The young man tries to escape the ring, but the large black bear has him trapped. The bear trainer sees this, and fearing for his life, leaps out of the ring and runs away.}
Chase Owens: "What do I do? What do I do?!? Think, Cheese... Chase!"
{Thoughts race through Chase's head as he tries to come up with a gameplan. After a moment, a brilliant idea strikes him.}
Chase Owens: "Bearhug!"
{Chase reaches both of his arms as far around the bear as he can, trying to lock him in the Bearhug submission hold. The bear begins to step back with Chase still barely holding him, and suddenly falls to his back. Chase releases the bear and stands up, looking excited for a moment.}
Chase Owens: "Holy crap. I just beat a bear!"
{The excitement quickly turns to panic as the bear lays motionless on the mat.}
Chase Owens: "Oh my god. He's dead."
{Owens looks around while nearly having a panic attack. Unsure of what to do, he thinks about the reprecussions if PETA finds out about this. Suddenly, without warning, a bear paw comes up and swipes Chase's legs out from under him. Chase hits the mat and the bear crawls on top of him, pinning him to the mat. Kevin the Wrestling Bear lays on top of Owens, keeping him trapped on the mat as the bear trainer comes back into frame, holding a meatball sub. He grabs his wooden stool and tosses it into the ring.}
Bear Trainer: "Use this to get him off of you."
{The stool hits the mat and gingerly rolls further and further away from Owens. As he's trapped to the mat, an annoyed look crosses his face.}
Chase Owens: ".... and now I just remembered... the bear was supposed to be my manager."
{As we zoom out further away from the scene, Chase struggles to break free, but he can't budge the massive wrestling bear.}
Chase Owens: "This was a terrible idea."
{Fade out.}